Sunday, May 9, 2010

Someone More Like Herself.....

                       The Echoes of the Bus horn was still running through her ears,The clock on the wall showed 2:50 am.She was sitting near the window of her room,the room she always loved it in the whole of her house, just for that window,from where she can have the clear view of NH-45.A clear view of all those vehicles crossing.she was sitting there from 12:30 am.She Just went through the mails,checked it and replied to the mail of a friend who didn't mail for a long ,closed her PC,came back and sat near that window,now its 2:50 am as mentioned earlier. Its not new for her to be awake till the next sun,But those "awakenings" will have some purpose ,though not an useful one.But today,something was pondering her mind.Kundhavai,a name that boldest of a tamil women in the history once was called as,that is what her mom and dad addressed her ,when she first smiled.Her family though was not beautiful,she felt each and everyone in that as important as the others,Time rolled on,the words she kept hearing from her mom were,"You are grown!","Behave like a girl!" Its time she has grown into one Girl not beautiful though, like any other friends of her who can attract any at the first,But she always carried a beautiful smile and expressive eyes which she never took notice of.She is a kind who will prefer to hear "Alaipayudhey kanna.. and Kuraiyondrum illai.." when everyone else discuss about the new earrings they purchased.She is a kind who will prefer to spend time with poems of bharathi when everyone else plans for shopping at spencer's.A person who will go and sit with her movie collections when everyone else discuss on those serials and entwined relation they show in it.A person who will walk in to the rain when everyone else raise their umbrella against it.You can notice her writing a movie review when she has to prepare a powerpoint for next days' presentation in office.In short she will never fit in to the society which they coin as "normal".A girl,according to her,with a least possibility to be given a consideration in that "society".Well,Now she is sitting near that window,her mind thinking on the incident happened in the office that day.It was she,dhivya-one  of her best friend,Deepthi,a close friend to Dhivya.All three were waiting for their ordered menus ,in their office canteen.Deepthi was a bit late to the canteen that day,This was their discussion,
Deepthi:why didn't you message me that you are in canteen I'd been waiting for you!
Dhivya:Sorry,I forgot!
Deepthi:Its not new that you forget everything,You hardly care for me nowadays.
Dhivya:Shut up! I do care for you.(kundhavai Didn't feel like poking her nose in to the prob)
Kundhavai:(Dhivya didn't message me also,Why she is over reacting?!) Guys plate has come,lets have lunch before we sense its real taste.
They had lunch and left for their respective cabin.But now though she was looking at the road,her thoughts were fully on the word that Dhivya Said "I Do care for You!".Why she felt that Strange sense of possessiveness when Dhivya said those words to Deepthi.Though She knows,according to dhivya both Deepthi and herself are equally important.May be that is what she hates,"Equally important".Herself being possessive,over caring,caring In return from loved ones often made her emotionally-Null-balanced,It often had made her feel "I am all alone in this earth".Though She was all Positive and practical to the most,she hardly was able to score a grade of D-- when it comes to "emotional balance".She wanted someone,some real one to take  care of her just like,how dhivya is there for deepthi?.Though she knows some, who often says "Am always here for you!".But those  she felt they were just wordly,Because whenever she went to that person with a problem,they could give her a maximum reply of "Hmmm.." after hearing all those..Its not that the problem is with kundhavai,Though dhivya always says the word "You are as Important as..." Kundhavai can never expect a clap from her for what she really is,The maximum Kundhavai could get from dhivya for her recent review on a blockbuster movie will be "oh!!" or 'Nice" and the "nice" wont be from heart, its just wordly as always,at times she wont listen even .Infact she heard Dhivya saying"Kundhavai,PLEASE DO ACT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN".Its long time she did realized its not a kind of friendship what she expected for,its not a friendship though,an attachment prevailed just because they were there..Its not only with Dhivya,but also with pranav,sanchana,ranjan who were as close as Dhivya,from the beginning,though they had left her in the middle,for different reasons,sanchana,"good one",Ranjan"-----(no reply)",Pranav,"Good,keep going"..those are the words she will always receive from them,though she can consider that as a comment,but she never felt they were from their hearts.Her parents."see that girl,how bright she is?,How smart she is?!Dont waste your time,Be like your sisi,Be Like that friend of yours,Be like this one..blah blah".Kundhavai,at the peak of her boldness"let it be that I don't know the meaning of being smart,But this is what myself!,what I am".But one can notice her weeping like a child lying in her bed,for not getting recognition even from her parents,for what she really is?!,for what a real kundhavai is?!.But she cant blame anyone because that is what they really are,What their real nature is,Her "friends" says not more than good because,That is what all they know about it,Those are something they bother least about,Things which are something like a passion for her,least botheration to someone .But that is not what her heart really longing for.Its someone ,A person who really loves her,admires her,criticize her for what she is and not to expect from her "what she really is not!".A secret admirer,A person who though not walks in to the rain,just loves the way she enjoys it.A person who argues with her on the lines of bharathi,A person who loves her for her taste on Kurthas but not for the earrings she goes for,A person who loves the natural look of the nail than those colorful nail polishes.A person to comment on, even at her negative.A person who really loves her just for that word "Abnormal".A person who really is far away from manipulations.Now,She is still looking out of the window for the next bus to pass by.The clock showed 4:00 am.