You are Just where you are,
and that is where I am Lost,
lost for eternity..
oh,hun..
the warmth of your thoughts
I end my days with,
I spend my days with,
oh,hun...
The smile of yours I see everywhere..
grows deep in me,
spill my tears there,
where your smile stays,
where my everything lies,
a little smile to loads of words,
the mischieve in me to those sensitive beats,
and all my everything..
oh hun,
where it lies,
the touch I never sensed,
the kiss I never felt,
the voice I never heard,
the laugh I never listened,
but all I have is warmth of your thoughts,
and that is where my everything lies.
oh,hun..
my everything lies.
.

The path goes deep,
Deep like the dark
Deeper than my thoughts,
the green I smelled,
the shine I saw,
the voice I heard,
the voice of that heart,
the heart of nature,
that made my days,
that made my lullaby nights,
the voice goes weak,
were my thoughts hang somewhere,
the voice goes weak,
as I move with the time,
the path goes Deep,
Deep like the dark
as I move with the time.

                              -for my lawn,on my lawn..on those green days...

Bread+ketchup+Spanish tango= ye Oldy Brilliante ..

It was one of those nice Thursday morning of our study holidays ,though A-306 was awake from 6:30 am and A-305 was snoring as usual. 306 started her day with M.S amma,had her coffee, came back and settled back to her position with her favourite book.well,first of all what is that 306 and 305 .Don’t imagine them as those customary way of calling constables in the history of Indian cinemas’.Its just my room number and that of sarayu’s , my next door neighbour ;).me the great, was half drown in to the book that I hardly noted the time. It was when My dad called me regarding one donation collection ,I just noted the time it showed 10:22am.Breakfast,no chance they would have closed the mess. Knocked the next door,Saw her sitting with loads of worry in her face that she missed her favourite Pongal J.Well,
Sarayu:U had your breakfast?!
Me:Nope
Sarayu:why?!you got up too early ryt?
Me:chumma..no reason.I just didn’t feel like!!
Sarayu:am feeling Hungry now..
Me:Actually yeah,even I am..:P
Well,shall we go to canteen then?! But come on am to lazy to get ready..
Sarayu:even I will repeat the same..
Me: err.. I have one idea..lemme execute it..
I will go and collect bread n ketchup from shop and will make something for you..
(we both went to the so called, shop in the ground floor and purchased the necessary items, A pack of bread, Lays Spanish tango(caribbean green was not thr:( ) and Nissan tomato ketchup total of 7+10+12 Rs. as per the MRP ;) ).
We both came back and settled in 305 with all those necessities.
We didn’t have a proper bowl atlast that made Ms.Sarayu muralidharan as one least possible thing to inaugurate her stainless steel box ..in which we had decided to prepare the dish.

So here goes the cookery adventure:
Me ,took out the bread loaf from and made it in to very small pieces. opened the Lays crushed them in to pieces again(well,we both ate some pieces of it in between.not able to resist ;) ). Mixed them both with equal amount of ketchup, Mixed it thoroughly…that’s it, our morning breakfast READY. Took the time less than that of preparing maggie could take.. Gave it to sarayu for tasting(getting reminded of those rats in laboratory?!) J. This is what she said after tasting the first sppon of it, “Aishwaryaaaaaaaa, You are brilliant , Its yummy…How You got the Idea?,
Me, “he he!!Just like that re!!(with utmost humbleness ;) ), But wait, what you said?!repeat it again?!
She, “Well, How you Got the Idea?!”..?!
Me,”Nope!! Before that”
She,”Well, I said Aishwarya You are brilliant”..!!
My reply, “@#!$@%!, I have been your room mate for the past one and half years,Had helped you in solving many of the problems,Found solution for many,And You never accepted me as brilliant in those situations(feelings;) ), and You are calling me "brilliant" for this mokka stuff..JISW.”..
Though I meant it for fun, I was very happy because that 29 rupees stuff had given both of us a very memorable moment in our life.hmmm… Was very happy for me being one reason behind. Ye Oldy Brilliante ;) :D..You made her inaugurate her Box ;).

Gonna try it?! ;) :D

(P.S) never do risk your life for 29rupees..

यहाँ सब कुछ हैं माँ फिर भी लगे बिन तेरे मुजको अकेला!!.

              This was the song my pavilion dv5 was playing when I started with this post.Today ,though the day was not bad (Note:only the day,I mean,Tuesday,Not me or my health).My Day  started with one refreshing coffee and Pulveli Pulveli song,but it turned sluggish with sudden rise in temperature,the breakfast we had today increased it still more ,like adding fuel to the fire.I attended just two/six classes and came back to room as I felt like “I can’t, sit and listen anymore”.I fell down straight in to my cot and when I got up it was 3:10 pm.Huh!! I Slept for nearly 5hrs,Myself,That too in noon time..damn!!. My room mates had returned from there classes. I realized that I forgot to have food, when one of them asked me whether I had lunch ?!. Here comes a Bulb!! Situation, As soon as I replied No,One of my room mate opened her wallet took out some money and went downstairs,thought she is going to get some eatables for me.I know this is what one can define as “Over-expectation”.But err, Its human Mind, it will hardly try to neglect some stupidest of things, expectation and caring tops the list .I was so,damn tired to move anywhere so I felt too happy with the fact that, Someone caring for me that very moment, My happiness doubled when she came back with “Parle’s Hide and seek”.  She sat on her cot and started opening it, Thought she gonna open it and share it with me.But it happened in reverse,err the conclusion is, me Gotcha Bulb!!.I went down on my own collected a Biscuit packet and came back eating it.Just gave a thought How could it have been, if I were in my home by this time, my amma would have prepared  rice porridge for me,  my dad would have made the bed for me , with two layers of rug and blanket, would have given me the prescribed tablets in time,Would have played shasti kavasam for me. My brother,though we  fight a lot, to the least would have enquired amma about my health.but here I felt helpless to prepare even a single cup of hot water. For the very first time I hated Loneliness .Though friends are here around to take care of us to their best, Its in no way can match the care of amma,the warmth of appa and the indefinable love of siblings all these made me wonder, How badly I am missing them.Infact to tell the truth I never did cried Even on the first day when My amma and appa left me over here in college , though everyone else around me did.But things do change in the world were change is the only constant.

P.S:Wondering how this sluggy sickness can turn a person sentimental!! :) :)

Mr.Govindan..

         Mr.K.Govindarajan M.com M.phil ..A person whom I know for the past 20yrs.tall,well built,curly haired, Bold voice this is he ,mr.govindan, proudly ,my appa. still those oldies I meet in any of  our family function will say this “nee appadiyae unga appa” (you are just a ditto of your father).I heard people I around me saying that I kept calling him “dai Govinda” till 3yrs of age.I remember those days he kept waiting for me in front of that thillai matriculation school ,where I studied from pre K.G to seventh grade , to give me the drink “Bonus” (which tasted yuck L L)..My Inspiration for most of what I am now, from book collection to practicality in thoughts.. In fact he is my first drawing master,It was his idea which I penciled for the concept “emmadhamum Sammadam (all religions are equal)”,which got me my first prize and that is were my interest for paintings started too. My inspiration for oration, which helped me get my second prize for the topic “the advantages and disadvantages of science and technology” during my second standard, I felt really proud after that speech and  smiled at my dad who was watching me speaking to the audience.(though the first prize was won by one asrar hussain for the topic “freedom fighter-veerapaandiya kattabhomman” :P).My inspiration to read books,the first book he  got for me was thiruvalluvar’s thirukkural to help me with thirukkural recitation(third prize L), followed by bharathiyar kavidhaigal,both are still there in my book collections. town first in twelfth std, a person who is really best of any at “commerce” not a padips though and am still trying to beat his academic ranks.Those are the evergreen fun days we kept fighting for anandha vikatan and sujatha books.we rarely do discuss on anything but if we discuss for sure both will enjoy it like anything. One can listen to him singing when they telecast any old songs in any channel ( and I will be like “Appa.. contol your feelings“),  He know about medicines ,at the same time about agriculture,many stuff about computers which even I don’t know, banking systems that even the bank manager will often get confused with, knows about whatever unknown nonsense happening in politics, A person who has interest on everything, In short a jack of all trades.happiee b’day jack.. He he. A very happieee birthday appa.proud to be your daughter J 

My Maha..a P_M_G_ _N_T_ story

           Its all started in one fine Thursday morning, I remember that day till now because it was one among those wonderful days of my life(and Saturday n Sunday were not too far.. That’s  also an added reason ;) ). I always felt Thursdays' has always been an ironic day . But this time it turned a different way. A week in school  since the end of our summer holidays. June has always been a month of hatred for me during my childhood days, the reason, its obvious, after enjoying a vacation of one n half month again have to sit and stare at the black board for hours .The classes were going on and it was another new day for  we all  new set of  std III students. It was another day in our science class ,been handled by a mam named Mrs.kathyaayani. I was sitting last but fourth in that two row of girls. The class was on “find out the missing letters, under the category fruits and vegetables”. I checked for any new admission in my class. just two in girls, a girl named salma, who looked more like one drama artist with all those make-up on her face and loads of bangles in her arms. another one, I didn’t ask her name as she was looking all thin and the impression was not good but just smiled at her and turned towards my row mate nivaeditha (Clearly I have  no idea, where she is now).Our mam was asking everyone to spell out the missing letters in the given word. Everyone raised their hands and said the correct answer. Even that thinny skinny answered one(I think its orAnGE) and That disturbed me like anything so immediately I raised my hand to answer one, everyone was puzzled, the reason its me being poorer than a poor lazy goose  in study when compared to everyone. Even my mam gave one weird expression ,because what I chose was  not so easy like spelling TOMATO or POTATO or APPLE. Something much like a tongue twister for me, during those days. Well, it was Pomegranate (Hope I spelled it correct!!).I started Spelling It  P_M_G__N_T_. I was confident with ‘O’,‘E’. But The problem came in those missed out letters which came after ‘G’.I Placed R correctly followed By A. But the next I Got Confused between ‘A’ n ‘I’.Whether it should be “NITE” or “NATE”.I Started with ‘I’..Then I was like, “Illai (No) miss  ‘A’ Varum( Will come). But,waitees miss “I…….. A….”. Suddenly I saw that Girl turning to my side, without being noted by our mam.”nee correct dhaan pa sollu ( You are correct just tell it) “.And I ended saying  pOmEgRAnAtE. I heard claps from everyone, even my mam,she did clapped,Because for the first time in the academic history of ms. Aishwarya Govindarajan.she raised her hand for some reason and gave a correct answer too. But the reason behind !! A different kind of jealous towards that thinny skinny but to the contradictory she encouraged me with my answer, now I smiled at her and said "thank you". Even then I didn’t ask her name (Attitude ;) ) . It was during our Interval break, I went and met that salma and asked her regarding her whereabouts. But literally I was trying to Tease her( what to do? Its my inherited nature, courtesy: Appa n Uncles ;) Hope that salma is not reading this post). In the mid that thinny skinny joined us,I smiled at her again. She was asking me about my whereabouts, I told her everything.Now its my turn, I asked her “Un paer enna?!(what is your name?!) “.she replied “I am K.Mahalakshmi”. Its all started there, from that second, I never did realized that time, am Going to share some memorable part of my life with her. I came back home and told amma, appa about my Pomegranate adventure. But it was only during that weekend, when I was sitting at the entrance of my house and was looking at road side, I noted that “thinny skinny” sorry.. ”Maha” sitting just like me in front of a house thats  two houses next to ours. I was so happy to see her there, I made a big HIIIIII..and asked “nee angaedhaan irukkiya ?! ( are you living there?!)” . she said “yes!! Mael veetla , veetuku variya?! ( at a partition in the upstairs,coming now?!)”.. I was so happy with her invitation, I just informed my amma and ran in to hers. She introduced me to her amma, appa( who, that time was out of station) , thottha, paati and thatha, last  but not least miss. Abinaya  @Abi( her sis).Later I came to know that Abhi and Gow were class mates(oh!! Wowieee).It was one of the cutest and sweetest of family I ever met,Till date I never had seen any of them turning Angry at anyone. Later, I turned in to one “part time-part of her family” .We four(maha,me,Abhi,gow) always spent most of our time, together in her home, watching cartoons, movies in noon time and building domes and houses in the sands which was there in the terrace unused, playing Hide seek in the terrace of “The Indian Bank”, staring at the cat walking in the terrace wall, telling stupid and silly stories, My lie times(that’s  a different story, will post about it later),Our chess times in the balcony of my house,our  time with two glass of rasnas (which I ll prepare ;) during her short visit to chidambaram). Atlast to everyone’s ,horror, A person who always kept scoring 19/22 ranks scored 5/22(even I didn’t believe my marks :D). In fact each and every stone in that classroom wall was surprised, Aishwarya getting rank 5.. :D.. But the reason behind!! I  worked hard,not because my parents kept on insisting, not because my teachers scolded me.. Because of the jealousy thoughts of mine against Maha’s academic performance. That time she scored first^, In the followed by exams I scored 3rd .But again hers was 1st rank. I was able to reach 2nd but never I made it up to the 1st rank. Every time it will be she who will be scoring 1st rank and me in the 2nd position.We had grown from class mates to kinda really good friends, I became closer to abi  . Even maha did started sensing the cold competition and that kept on growing, well and good along with our friendship. Our closeness made our family get closer still. In fact ours  got to know about a family who later became more than a neighbour. Just like stopping a cricket match between India Vs Australia  because of sudden  rain, our cold competition came to an end with immediate transfer of maha’s father from Chidambaram to Chennai. we both studied together just for a period of two. But that two years I infact got to realize more about myself and my academics. I didn’t study well not because I am not smart or clever. I realized, its because me being the laziest. I started realizing the reality in competition. I started realizing a form of long lasting friendship.We didn’t have telephone connection those days though I kept being in contact with Maha through my unsent letters. Letters-that were not written in those blue Government sealed papers or yellow colored cards. But those written in classes and exam sheets which will ask us to “write a letter to a close friend describing your recent holiday”,” write a letter to your close friend regarding her well and good”. My letters started bearing the “Dear mahas‘ “. though we started  calling  and talking  to each other through telephone in our later part of school days I kept following that "Dear maha" in letters till my twelfth grade.But later I got to know that even her unsent letters were addressed “Dear Aishus’ “ .Both of our fathers had one Idea of letting us study together in college(even me welcomed that Idea,I will get another chance of beating her in grades) and she being the one who always topped me in academics, as expected scored higher than me in Twelfth And we were not able to study in same college as our area of interest differed. She Got in to Anna university- trichy , and she is now  doing her computer science Engineering there. And me, as you all know well..shhhhhhh.. Though we talk to each other often  we  never had got a chance to stay together after our 4th std. But, recently I stayed in her house, in trichy, for 15days regarding some academic work of mine and those days literally were awesome.A wonderful time with whole of her family and moreover I got a Closer-chance to know more about the 20yr old maha, But still a kid by heart, The maha whom I first met when we both were kids. I saw a Painting of mine On “venugaanam of Lord Krishna” which I painted and gave her during our school days ,I heard from aunt that she decorated it further and kept it there in that shelf of her room. That In fact is my first master piece followed by “Kundhavai” of Ponniyin selvan ;) . I still have that small and cute musical jewel box she presented for my birthday, kept unused,But will open now and then to hear the music. Those lord nataraja n Lord Vishnu statues she gifted for navrathri J. Our school days were the “Days of mutual Admiration”. I will say “wow!!” at her ranks and her handwriting, she will say “wowieee!!” at my “capitals of the country answers  and those so called paintings & kirukkals”.. Even now I admire her For that Real “maha” and she admires me for the real “jillu” . though everything around us changed.

Hey Maha just thought of penning down everything as one of v.v.small surprise ..

those wonderful days...... !!

A Very happieeeeee Birthday stupid (1-06-1989)… J

Hoping those dots after “Wonderful days” should keep extending 

  Yours jillu J

Someone More Like Herself.....

                       The Echoes of the Bus horn was still running through her ears,The clock on the wall showed 2:50 am.She was sitting near the window of her room,the room she always loved it in the whole of her house, just for that window,from where she can have the clear view of NH-45.A clear view of all those vehicles crossing.she was sitting there from 12:30 am.She Just went through the mails,checked it and replied to the mail of a friend who didn't mail for a long ,closed her PC,came back and sat near that window,now its 2:50 am as mentioned earlier. Its not new for her to be awake till the next sun,But those "awakenings" will have some purpose ,though not an useful one.But today,something was pondering her mind.Kundhavai,a name that boldest of a tamil women in the history once was called as,that is what her mom and dad addressed her ,when she first smiled.Her family though was not beautiful,she felt each and everyone in that as important as the others,Time rolled on,the words she kept hearing from her mom were,"You are grown!","Behave like a girl!" Its time she has grown into one Girl not beautiful though, like any other friends of her who can attract any at the first,But she always carried a beautiful smile and expressive eyes which she never took notice of.She is a kind who will prefer to hear "Alaipayudhey kanna.. and Kuraiyondrum illai.." when everyone else discuss about the new earrings they purchased.She is a kind who will prefer to spend time with poems of bharathi when everyone else plans for shopping at spencer's.A person who will go and sit with her movie collections when everyone else discuss on those serials and entwined relation they show in it.A person who will walk in to the rain when everyone else raise their umbrella against it.You can notice her writing a movie review when she has to prepare a powerpoint for next days' presentation in office.In short she will never fit in to the society which they coin as "normal".A girl,according to her,with a least possibility to be given a consideration in that "society".Well,Now she is sitting near that window,her mind thinking on the incident happened in the office that day.It was she,dhivya-one  of her best friend,Deepthi,a close friend to Dhivya.All three were waiting for their ordered menus ,in their office canteen.Deepthi was a bit late to the canteen that day,This was their discussion,
Deepthi:why didn't you message me that you are in canteen I'd been waiting for you!
Dhivya:Sorry,I forgot!
Deepthi:Its not new that you forget everything,You hardly care for me nowadays.
Dhivya:Shut up! I do care for you.(kundhavai Didn't feel like poking her nose in to the prob)
Kundhavai:(Dhivya didn't message me also,Why she is over reacting?!) Guys plate has come,lets have lunch before we sense its real taste.
They had lunch and left for their respective cabin.But now though she was looking at the road,her thoughts were fully on the word that Dhivya Said "I Do care for You!".Why she felt that Strange sense of possessiveness when Dhivya said those words to Deepthi.Though She knows,according to dhivya both Deepthi and herself are equally important.May be that is what she hates,"Equally important".Herself being possessive,over caring,caring In return from loved ones often made her emotionally-Null-balanced,It often had made her feel "I am all alone in this earth".Though She was all Positive and practical to the most,she hardly was able to score a grade of D-- when it comes to "emotional balance".She wanted someone,some real one to take  care of her just like,how dhivya is there for deepthi?.Though she knows some, who often says "Am always here for you!".But those  she felt they were just wordly,Because whenever she went to that person with a problem,they could give her a maximum reply of "Hmmm.." after hearing all those..Its not that the problem is with kundhavai,Though dhivya always says the word "You are as Important as..." Kundhavai can never expect a clap from her for what she really is,The maximum Kundhavai could get from dhivya for her recent review on a blockbuster movie will be "oh!!" or 'Nice" and the "nice" wont be from heart, its just wordly as always,at times she wont listen even .Infact she heard Dhivya saying"Kundhavai,PLEASE DO ACT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN".Its long time she did realized its not a kind of friendship what she expected for,its not a friendship though,an attachment prevailed just because they were there..Its not only with Dhivya,but also with pranav,sanchana,ranjan who were as close as Dhivya,from the beginning,though they had left her in the middle,for different reasons,sanchana,"good one",Ranjan"-----(no reply)",Pranav,"Good,keep going"..those are the words she will always receive from them,though she can consider that as a comment,but she never felt they were from their hearts.Her parents."see that girl,how bright she is?,How smart she is?!Dont waste your time,Be like your sisi,Be Like that friend of yours,Be like this one..blah blah".Kundhavai,at the peak of her boldness"let it be that I don't know the meaning of being smart,But this is what myself!,what I am".But one can notice her weeping like a child lying in her bed,for not getting recognition even from her parents,for what she really is?!,for what a real kundhavai is?!.But she cant blame anyone because that is what they really are,What their real nature is,Her "friends" says not more than good because,That is what all they know about it,Those are something they bother least about,Things which are something like a passion for her,least botheration to someone .But that is not what her heart really longing for.Its someone ,A person who really loves her,admires her,criticize her for what she is and not to expect from her "what she really is not!".A secret admirer,A person who though not walks in to the rain,just loves the way she enjoys it.A person who argues with her on the lines of bharathi,A person who loves her for her taste on Kurthas but not for the earrings she goes for,A person who loves the natural look of the nail than those colorful nail polishes.A person to comment on, even at her negative.A person who really loves her just for that word "Abnormal".A person who really is far away from manipulations.Now,She is still looking out of the window for the next bus to pass by.The clock showed 4:00 am.