My Maha..a P_M_G_ _N_T_ story

           Its all started in one fine Thursday morning, I remember that day till now because it was one among those wonderful days of my life(and Saturday n Sunday were not too far.. That’s  also an added reason ;) ). I always felt Thursdays' has always been an ironic day . But this time it turned a different way. A week in school  since the end of our summer holidays. June has always been a month of hatred for me during my childhood days, the reason, its obvious, after enjoying a vacation of one n half month again have to sit and stare at the black board for hours .The classes were going on and it was another new day for  we all  new set of  std III students. It was another day in our science class ,been handled by a mam named Mrs.kathyaayani. I was sitting last but fourth in that two row of girls. The class was on “find out the missing letters, under the category fruits and vegetables”. I checked for any new admission in my class. just two in girls, a girl named salma, who looked more like one drama artist with all those make-up on her face and loads of bangles in her arms. another one, I didn’t ask her name as she was looking all thin and the impression was not good but just smiled at her and turned towards my row mate nivaeditha (Clearly I have  no idea, where she is now).Our mam was asking everyone to spell out the missing letters in the given word. Everyone raised their hands and said the correct answer. Even that thinny skinny answered one(I think its orAnGE) and That disturbed me like anything so immediately I raised my hand to answer one, everyone was puzzled, the reason its me being poorer than a poor lazy goose  in study when compared to everyone. Even my mam gave one weird expression ,because what I chose was  not so easy like spelling TOMATO or POTATO or APPLE. Something much like a tongue twister for me, during those days. Well, it was Pomegranate (Hope I spelled it correct!!).I started Spelling It  P_M_G__N_T_. I was confident with ‘O’,‘E’. But The problem came in those missed out letters which came after ‘G’.I Placed R correctly followed By A. But the next I Got Confused between ‘A’ n ‘I’.Whether it should be “NITE” or “NATE”.I Started with ‘I’..Then I was like, “Illai (No) miss  ‘A’ Varum( Will come). But,waitees miss “I…….. A….”. Suddenly I saw that Girl turning to my side, without being noted by our mam.”nee correct dhaan pa sollu ( You are correct just tell it) “.And I ended saying  pOmEgRAnAtE. I heard claps from everyone, even my mam,she did clapped,Because for the first time in the academic history of ms. Aishwarya Govindarajan.she raised her hand for some reason and gave a correct answer too. But the reason behind !! A different kind of jealous towards that thinny skinny but to the contradictory she encouraged me with my answer, now I smiled at her and said "thank you". Even then I didn’t ask her name (Attitude ;) ) . It was during our Interval break, I went and met that salma and asked her regarding her whereabouts. But literally I was trying to Tease her( what to do? Its my inherited nature, courtesy: Appa n Uncles ;) Hope that salma is not reading this post). In the mid that thinny skinny joined us,I smiled at her again. She was asking me about my whereabouts, I told her everything.Now its my turn, I asked her “Un paer enna?!(what is your name?!) “.she replied “I am K.Mahalakshmi”. Its all started there, from that second, I never did realized that time, am Going to share some memorable part of my life with her. I came back home and told amma, appa about my Pomegranate adventure. But it was only during that weekend, when I was sitting at the entrance of my house and was looking at road side, I noted that “thinny skinny” sorry.. ”Maha” sitting just like me in front of a house thats  two houses next to ours. I was so happy to see her there, I made a big HIIIIII..and asked “nee angaedhaan irukkiya ?! ( are you living there?!)” . she said “yes!! Mael veetla , veetuku variya?! ( at a partition in the upstairs,coming now?!)”.. I was so happy with her invitation, I just informed my amma and ran in to hers. She introduced me to her amma, appa( who, that time was out of station) , thottha, paati and thatha, last  but not least miss. Abinaya  @Abi( her sis).Later I came to know that Abhi and Gow were class mates(oh!! Wowieee).It was one of the cutest and sweetest of family I ever met,Till date I never had seen any of them turning Angry at anyone. Later, I turned in to one “part time-part of her family” .We four(maha,me,Abhi,gow) always spent most of our time, together in her home, watching cartoons, movies in noon time and building domes and houses in the sands which was there in the terrace unused, playing Hide seek in the terrace of “The Indian Bank”, staring at the cat walking in the terrace wall, telling stupid and silly stories, My lie times(that’s  a different story, will post about it later),Our chess times in the balcony of my house,our  time with two glass of rasnas (which I ll prepare ;) during her short visit to chidambaram). Atlast to everyone’s ,horror, A person who always kept scoring 19/22 ranks scored 5/22(even I didn’t believe my marks :D). In fact each and every stone in that classroom wall was surprised, Aishwarya getting rank 5.. :D.. But the reason behind!! I  worked hard,not because my parents kept on insisting, not because my teachers scolded me.. Because of the jealousy thoughts of mine against Maha’s academic performance. That time she scored first^, In the followed by exams I scored 3rd .But again hers was 1st rank. I was able to reach 2nd but never I made it up to the 1st rank. Every time it will be she who will be scoring 1st rank and me in the 2nd position.We had grown from class mates to kinda really good friends, I became closer to abi  . Even maha did started sensing the cold competition and that kept on growing, well and good along with our friendship. Our closeness made our family get closer still. In fact ours  got to know about a family who later became more than a neighbour. Just like stopping a cricket match between India Vs Australia  because of sudden  rain, our cold competition came to an end with immediate transfer of maha’s father from Chidambaram to Chennai. we both studied together just for a period of two. But that two years I infact got to realize more about myself and my academics. I didn’t study well not because I am not smart or clever. I realized, its because me being the laziest. I started realizing the reality in competition. I started realizing a form of long lasting friendship.We didn’t have telephone connection those days though I kept being in contact with Maha through my unsent letters. Letters-that were not written in those blue Government sealed papers or yellow colored cards. But those written in classes and exam sheets which will ask us to “write a letter to a close friend describing your recent holiday”,” write a letter to your close friend regarding her well and good”. My letters started bearing the “Dear mahas‘ “. though we started  calling  and talking  to each other through telephone in our later part of school days I kept following that "Dear maha" in letters till my twelfth grade.But later I got to know that even her unsent letters were addressed “Dear Aishus’ “ .Both of our fathers had one Idea of letting us study together in college(even me welcomed that Idea,I will get another chance of beating her in grades) and she being the one who always topped me in academics, as expected scored higher than me in Twelfth And we were not able to study in same college as our area of interest differed. She Got in to Anna university- trichy , and she is now  doing her computer science Engineering there. And me, as you all know well..shhhhhhh.. Though we talk to each other often  we  never had got a chance to stay together after our 4th std. But, recently I stayed in her house, in trichy, for 15days regarding some academic work of mine and those days literally were awesome.A wonderful time with whole of her family and moreover I got a Closer-chance to know more about the 20yr old maha, But still a kid by heart, The maha whom I first met when we both were kids. I saw a Painting of mine On “venugaanam of Lord Krishna” which I painted and gave her during our school days ,I heard from aunt that she decorated it further and kept it there in that shelf of her room. That In fact is my first master piece followed by “Kundhavai” of Ponniyin selvan ;) . I still have that small and cute musical jewel box she presented for my birthday, kept unused,But will open now and then to hear the music. Those lord nataraja n Lord Vishnu statues she gifted for navrathri J. Our school days were the “Days of mutual Admiration”. I will say “wow!!” at her ranks and her handwriting, she will say “wowieee!!” at my “capitals of the country answers  and those so called paintings & kirukkals”.. Even now I admire her For that Real “maha” and she admires me for the real “jillu” . though everything around us changed.

Hey Maha just thought of penning down everything as one of v.v.small surprise ..

those wonderful days...... !!

A Very happieeeeee Birthday stupid (1-06-1989)… J

Hoping those dots after “Wonderful days” should keep extending 

  Yours jillu J

Someone More Like Herself.....

                       The Echoes of the Bus horn was still running through her ears,The clock on the wall showed 2:50 am.She was sitting near the window of her room,the room she always loved it in the whole of her house, just for that window,from where she can have the clear view of NH-45.A clear view of all those vehicles crossing.she was sitting there from 12:30 am.She Just went through the mails,checked it and replied to the mail of a friend who didn't mail for a long ,closed her PC,came back and sat near that window,now its 2:50 am as mentioned earlier. Its not new for her to be awake till the next sun,But those "awakenings" will have some purpose ,though not an useful one.But today,something was pondering her mind.Kundhavai,a name that boldest of a tamil women in the history once was called as,that is what her mom and dad addressed her ,when she first smiled.Her family though was not beautiful,she felt each and everyone in that as important as the others,Time rolled on,the words she kept hearing from her mom were,"You are grown!","Behave like a girl!" Its time she has grown into one Girl not beautiful though, like any other friends of her who can attract any at the first,But she always carried a beautiful smile and expressive eyes which she never took notice of.She is a kind who will prefer to hear "Alaipayudhey kanna.. and Kuraiyondrum illai.." when everyone else discuss about the new earrings they purchased.She is a kind who will prefer to spend time with poems of bharathi when everyone else plans for shopping at spencer's.A person who will go and sit with her movie collections when everyone else discuss on those serials and entwined relation they show in it.A person who will walk in to the rain when everyone else raise their umbrella against it.You can notice her writing a movie review when she has to prepare a powerpoint for next days' presentation in office.In short she will never fit in to the society which they coin as "normal".A girl,according to her,with a least possibility to be given a consideration in that "society".Well,Now she is sitting near that window,her mind thinking on the incident happened in the office that day.It was she,dhivya-one  of her best friend,Deepthi,a close friend to Dhivya.All three were waiting for their ordered menus ,in their office canteen.Deepthi was a bit late to the canteen that day,This was their discussion,
Deepthi:why didn't you message me that you are in canteen I'd been waiting for you!
Dhivya:Sorry,I forgot!
Deepthi:Its not new that you forget everything,You hardly care for me nowadays.
Dhivya:Shut up! I do care for you.(kundhavai Didn't feel like poking her nose in to the prob)
Kundhavai:(Dhivya didn't message me also,Why she is over reacting?!) Guys plate has come,lets have lunch before we sense its real taste.
They had lunch and left for their respective cabin.But now though she was looking at the road,her thoughts were fully on the word that Dhivya Said "I Do care for You!".Why she felt that Strange sense of possessiveness when Dhivya said those words to Deepthi.Though She knows,according to dhivya both Deepthi and herself are equally important.May be that is what she hates,"Equally important".Herself being possessive,over caring,caring In return from loved ones often made her emotionally-Null-balanced,It often had made her feel "I am all alone in this earth".Though She was all Positive and practical to the most,she hardly was able to score a grade of D-- when it comes to "emotional balance".She wanted someone,some real one to take  care of her just like,how dhivya is there for deepthi?.Though she knows some, who often says "Am always here for you!".But those  she felt they were just wordly,Because whenever she went to that person with a problem,they could give her a maximum reply of "Hmmm.." after hearing all those..Its not that the problem is with kundhavai,Though dhivya always says the word "You are as Important as..." Kundhavai can never expect a clap from her for what she really is,The maximum Kundhavai could get from dhivya for her recent review on a blockbuster movie will be "oh!!" or 'Nice" and the "nice" wont be from heart, its just wordly as always,at times she wont listen even .Infact she heard Dhivya saying"Kundhavai,PLEASE DO ACT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN".Its long time she did realized its not a kind of friendship what she expected for,its not a friendship though,an attachment prevailed just because they were there..Its not only with Dhivya,but also with pranav,sanchana,ranjan who were as close as Dhivya,from the beginning,though they had left her in the middle,for different reasons,sanchana,"good one",Ranjan"-----(no reply)",Pranav,"Good,keep going"..those are the words she will always receive from them,though she can consider that as a comment,but she never felt they were from their hearts.Her parents."see that girl,how bright she is?,How smart she is?!Dont waste your time,Be like your sisi,Be Like that friend of yours,Be like this one..blah blah".Kundhavai,at the peak of her boldness"let it be that I don't know the meaning of being smart,But this is what myself!,what I am".But one can notice her weeping like a child lying in her bed,for not getting recognition even from her parents,for what she really is?!,for what a real kundhavai is?!.But she cant blame anyone because that is what they really are,What their real nature is,Her "friends" says not more than good because,That is what all they know about it,Those are something they bother least about,Things which are something like a passion for her,least botheration to someone .But that is not what her heart really longing for.Its someone ,A person who really loves her,admires her,criticize her for what she is and not to expect from her "what she really is not!".A secret admirer,A person who though not walks in to the rain,just loves the way she enjoys it.A person who argues with her on the lines of bharathi,A person who loves her for her taste on Kurthas but not for the earrings she goes for,A person who loves the natural look of the nail than those colorful nail polishes.A person to comment on, even at her negative.A person who really loves her just for that word "Abnormal".A person who really is far away from manipulations.Now,She is still looking out of the window for the next bus to pass by.The clock showed 4:00 am.

Yeh Kya Family hain Yaar..!! ;)

                 I should start this post only with a biggggggg HA HA HA for those who think ,What I am going to mention is highly impossible or utter stupidity.some may think ,this is one "no need"criteria at this age.but some things(rules) are always an exception for an "utter stupid" case like me.Thought I can upload my views in to the mind of some  "non-existing" characters,turning it in to "once upon a time there lived a radha.."type.But why there is a need for radha, when the character which owns the royality for these thoughts is still alive typing down all this.Well,its one among those dead night discussions.But this time..err,Its on life partners.For all those who wonder,Is it really such an important thing to discuss in the mid past night,I can say,Discussing on soren and BJP or Obama and Wall street or Next CM of tamilnadu is in noway going to give a clean chit to those problems...atleast,Its more worth to discuss about future than all those unsolvable.It started this way,she was telling something about her friend's serious search for a life partner and about the kind of person he is expecting for and How family life is turning in to one parliament session nowadays .My friend said She desperately wanna attend the marriage of some three persons in her life,One that friend of hers,another its me (oh!!God..) followed by one class mate of ours..the talk was on what kinda life partner we will be expecting for?!,Well I was telling her that the only thing I will be expecting from my partner is being truthful.Its not that the person should be one half-sibling of harishchandra.Then,Truthful in the sense?!!..err,let him smoke If he wish,let him drink If he want to ,let him sight even the worst figure in the whole world,but its just that I should be knowing his favourite brand name,its just that I should be knowing what attracted him the most in that girl ;).She said,what am talking about is just like watching the movie "sillunu oru kaadhal".No way!!Its something my life,Its should be unique,why should i be living a cinematic life?Why should I be a kundhavi,rather Am just an aishwarya,n this is what my way of thinking towards life..Come on,No one in the world can be Rama,infact he himself can't be one!.Just point out at person who had never even seen a girl before his marriage,Then i will accept my way of thinking is wrong..Err,the next question "what will you do if that person wish to go with another girl,at one point of life?".well,here is my reply,I will say "yes"!!.She,"on what basis?!"..Me "first of all,I will try to find out whether its a normal lust or really he finds something different in her,If that is lust,I will try to make that person realize it or if it is the next option ,he fits in to,My answer will be ,yes!!". Wait!!I think you readers for sure as of by now will be googling for a suitable label to tag the disease am suffering from :).PJs apart,well a question may arise,will this be possible when it comes to a practical case?!.But,what else does matters for a "Wonderful FAMILY life" than understanding your partner completely.If you gonna think ,it sounds like those stupid "sacrifice" concept that those age old characters in those "puraanas" did.All I can say is,may be that is where the chemistry of relationship lies.Come on yaar,how can you really enjoy the life and sense it in each and every nerve of yours,when its is not the Real "YOU" who is living it..That "YOU" is there in everyone but its just that the people always thinks of it only as "ME and MINE".Not all the times the mind will think from others point of view when it comes to a problem involving themself.

(P.S) For all those mind ,which think like,Is she really behind someone to write to this extent of 'stupidity'?

Ans:Its not that the the mind need always an experience to write on something,at times a simple but deep thinking will do.For a mind with passion over thoughts there is no boundaries:).

The S'h'ivam..

Its Really after such a long time,I heard the song "Yaar,Yaar Sivam!!(Who in this real world can be referred as  God!?)",from my favorite movie "Anbae Sivam (Love Is God!!)"..As usual the place I was sitting, was lawn(U can guess the aftermath of me being in lawn ;)),and I was totally jobless..So to make proper use of the time I started thinking on that word "Anbae Sivam!!"..What is Love?!What is the exact meaning behind that four letter word?.Here am going to say nothing on all those "hormonal happenings"between opposite sex,rather about a treasure left behind, forgotten in the sands of time,"Humanity".Though we speak about all those Anti-war,peace,humanity etc in number of "stages",the speech will always end up like"So you people of democratic country,kindly do vote for us to overcome all this..blah blah","Arey!buddhu,first of all go and treat your mom as one human,then we will give you the mic for lullaby".The Humanity,Its there the when a kid volunteer to give his/her smallest of pencil to the one sitting next.Its there when a woman volunteer to become a surrogate for some precious thing she never gonna see after.Its there when you stand up and give space for some old man to sit ..But,tell me the truth,Here how many of us having a proper bond atleast with the neighbour next door,except for the cup of sugar and coffee powder.This weird world knows better how to tag everything.If you volunteer to be a surrogate,the world will see you just as a person who will do anything for money.If you give space for an old man,sure a person standing next by will say"We can believe no one these days sir,why you left your seat for that innocent-by-look budda".The Human fails in their thoughts here,Its Just because that moral studies classes turned out to be one weekend sleeping hour,during their school days.These people nowadays are ready to spend tonnes and tonnes of money to fill the hundi of some "aanandhas" and "ammas",but they finds it really hard to spend for someone whom they left in old age home.let me ask you something,from where these so called "social service" word originated from?.The word would have got no meaning at all,If we were born "Moses".I Remember the line which, the famous actor kamalhaasan once said,after tsunami affected the whole of coastal areas,He said "Though the tsunami took away the life of thousands,It left something called humanity in the minds of those in the shore!".,It may sound weird,but,yeah may beits true that we need some N number of tsunami to realize the S'H'IVAM Within us.

Grandpa...I miss him a lot!!

           I still remember that particular snap in my photo album,It was taken when I was some seven or eight months old.I will be standing with a support of one wooden bench,behind me will be my grandpa,standing,looking after me.He is no more now,passed away when I was in my tenth grade.He was one tall gigantic figure,with boldness in tone and sharpness in thinking.The way he use to call me,"jillu","jillumma"..those words are still echoing in my ears..may be that is why I hate,people calling me by that name,nowadays.I can read in those eyes both his childlike nature,when he usually fight with my grandma for silly reasons and also his care and love for each and everyone of us in the family.especially towards me and Gowtham.Our House was  built in such a way that,there will be one tiny gap at the entrance where a single person can sit comfortably, He,my grandpa always use to sit there.Whoever passing our home just stop for a while at the entrance and ask.."ayya!! how are you?".He will buy many different kinds of fruits and eatables for us, especially for me and he will keep it safe in his rack untill we both arrive from school. How many of us here know of something called "wood apple (or) elephant apple(or)Vilaampazham",A tasty fruit i ever came across,he is one reason why am fond of that particular fruit.He,one cutest grandpa .I remember,a particular incident happened during his last days,me and gowtham were both playing carrom and my grandpa was lying nearby as he was not feeling well.This is what he was telling both of us,"Your periappa..is a kinda settled now,but am really worried about your dad..I am really feeling bad that am going to leave my family without doing anything for it..I have to do something for your dad before i die!!".I was literally at the verge of tears that time.Because I had never seen my grandpa talking in such a way to anyone, before.I replied,"thatha!! nothing gonna happen like that ,get up come and play with us I need some good experienced hand to beat this gowtham..see you sure gonna be all right after playing with us..".But I didnt continue playing,I left that place with tears.I always loved to help him.Whenever he wanted to have some tablets..He will call,"jillu!!get some water for me,and take that tablet from the kit."..I will be there the next second..I had never been so much into anyone,even to my parents.He actually had one childlike habit,which all of us in our family laugh at.He had one age old radio he got from nagpur in his early 30s,but one can never notice him listening to a proper station,he loves to keep on tuning it,He often will, check his pulse rate..I love to see the way he does it.Well,i was doing the same when i was listening to hilary duff's "Someone is watching over me..".. a sudden chillness i felt in my palm.Can wipe out tears but not those lovable memories.miss you grandpa.   

Mokka Piece.. :D

Once Man went to heaven..
He met God there...

God:List me some of your good character...?!!
Man:well..If anything Goes wrong..I will act against it..
God:example?!?!
Man:If I See a paper thrown on the road..I will throw one against it..!! :P

God: @#!$%& 

Solace!!

Thy Solace,
Am for lonely boats
Wavering In the middle of blue.

Thy Solace,
Am for twined Mind
in the quest out of dark.

Thy Solace,
Am for the greens
drowning below thy pale.

Thy Solace,
Am for mortal
kissing the beauty of "she-died".

Thy Solace I give,
not i can afford
When darkness surrounds
all around.

Thy Solace I fail
my life
my  love
my end...